1. Language things here are
generally fantastic. I still think it’s ridiculous that I can travel so far and
still interact and chat with almost everyone I come into contact with. However,
there are always a few unexpected problems. For example, one comes from “It’s
okay” (as in “Would you like a soda?” – “It’s okay”) which here means yes. This
problem is exacerbated by “It’s okay” being a common and catchy thing to say so
there’s this urge to use it. People here are outrageously good at languages;
most think nothing of the fact that they can talk 5 different languages
completely fluently. Entertainingly, speakers will sometimes move to the
language the translator is using if it expresses an idea better and the
translator will move seamlessly to mirror the move. The local equivalent of
Paul is Paulo. However, introducing myself as ‘Paulo’ always fails due to my
accent being “very heavy” which leads to me reverting to ‘Paul’ and them then
saying ‘Paulo’ at which I say then again say ‘Paulo’. They still fail to see
the connection between the two words. Trying to make a joke about it sounding
Italian does not work even if serious time is committed to a detailed,
geographical explanation.
2. Ugandan money is funny.
Firstly, it’s fantastically colourful with a great mix of gold, red, purple,
green, blue and yellow. It’s like having a rainbow in your wallet. Then there is
the scandalous number of zeros at the end of things to keep you on your toes, but
I’ve slowly gotten used to spending TWO THOUSAND shillings on a coke. Still, things
do get confusing cause sometimes you’re comparing how much a UK
equivalent costs and sometimes how much a Ugandan equivalent costs. To keep
things grounded, I use the helpful metric of chapattis (= 500 shillings). No
matter how tasty or posh a meal is, it surely can’t ever be better than 40
chapattis? I used to use pineapples (which have a more constant marginal
utility) but there were large seasonal price fluctuations which made it tricky.
3. People here have an
inexhaustible love of giving speeches. Some of this comes from spontaneous love
and enthusiasm, some from the fact that there are unspoken rules about every
event (guests of honour must always be introduced and allowed to address
everyone, even at a party), and some from a love of talking for the sake of
talking (something I obviously know nothing about). One speech can contain
several topics loosely related (or unapologetically unrelated). Thankfully,
people here have phenomenal reserves of patience that help them deal with this
and also with unfathomably long waits in a taxi waiting for one more person to
join the next piece of the journey. If there were some way to monetarise this
skill, people here would be loaded.
4. The difference between the dry
and wet season is as stark as the names suggest and there’s no little medley of
previous seasons within each season that England
offers. People here have a hilariously small bracket of acceptable
temperatures. A day can often begin too cold and then quickly become too hot. Coats
and jumpers are donned to deal with the first and then fans used to combat the
second. The dry season is very very dusty (as well as being dry) which is
wonderful when combined with the seasonal sweatiness. The road I walk to work
has about 1cm of dust (it does! Well, at least at the edges… It’s like snow but
less exciting and less enjoyable) on which would mean that I arrived pleasantly
bathed in sand were it not for the lorry that has usually gotten stuck blocking
the road and meaning no major traffic uses the road that day.
5. Being smartly dressed is
always good. Being in town without a shirt on is almost sacrilegious. There’s
not really a “I’ve just taken a break from some manual job to buy something
quickly” excuse; you’re supposed to bathe, change into a shirt (plus a belt and
ideally a tie) and then pick the thing before changing back again. Similarly cleanliness
can be found in the most unexpected places. You can get around town on a motorbike
taxi for 12.5p if you’re feeling particularly aggressive in your negotiating,
yet these bikes will almost always be spotlessly clean. Even if the outside of
a house is filthy, you can be sure the inside will be well swept and neatly
presented. Basically, if something is privately owned, it’ll be tidy and clean;
if it’s a public space or road, you won’t be so lucky.
6. Ugandan food has some
wonderful highlights (cooking things with charcoal is often amazingly tasty). Food
at most places is ideal and special function food is fantastic. Basically you
get a bit of all the good stuff which makes all of them better. However, it does
also have some problems. Most things typically contain oil. It’s often sneakily
snuck into things you thought might have been healthy like cabbage, beans,
rice… anything, it’s got oil in it. Also, bread here is not great. Memories of
Sainsburys Basics bread are now very precious to me.
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